The C word.

 The C word. 

For the past few weeks I have been living this outer body experience. To be quite honest, it is a lot to process. I find myself zoning out while people are talking to me. I have moments where I stare off into space and see a highlight reel of my life play before me while I am simultaneously performing my normal multitasking duties in this robotic fashion. So many have asked me how I got here so fast. Let me walk you through it... a lot of this may be shocking and truthfully I'm not sure where to even begin but let's give it a go...

You may or may not be aware that I moved out of my home March 3. Out of respect for the last 14 years of my life I won't say much about that. Although it plays a significant part in my story, it is not why I write to you today. I quite literally woke up one morning with a massive lump in my left breast. With my youngest going back and forth to his dad's house I decided it was time to wean him from breastfeeding. I assumed the massive lump had to do with weaning him. "My milk must be so backed up" I thought to myself. I've never had an issue with my left side though. I gave it a few weeks and it hadn't gone away. With some encouragement from friends I finally went to have it looked at. 

It all started with the mammogram. Mind you I am 37 years old. Not yet at the age where these are required. Although now I strongly believe that age should be lowered. Anyway, immediately after that I was walked over to ultrasound. They found another lump in my lymph nodes. The doctor I spoke with said I am in the 2% where I could get these biopsied or give it 3 months and come back to see if they have changed but he wasn't worried. I decided I better know for sure and went ahead with the biopsy. 

This is where it gets a little tricky. The initial biopsy came back with DCIS cells. This is stage 0 cancer. To my knowledge a lot of countries don't treat cancer at this level but in America we are more aggressive about these situations. They asked me to come in the next day and talk to the breast cancer specialist. That is where my life changed.

Let me start off by saying this doctor has been amazing. I trust her completely. She spent about 4 hours that day talking to me and answering all my questions. After reviewing the tests I had done thus far, she gave me much different news. She looked at me and said, "You have stage 4 aggressive breast cancer." It took my breath away for a minute. The original biopsy was done on the start of a new tumor. However, there are three tumors already formed that are stage 4 breast cancer. She ended the appointment with two more biopsies which have come back confirming it is, stage 4 cancer. 

That C word. 

I looked at myself the next morning in the mirror and it sank in a little more. I have cancer. My babies. My businesses. My body, My boobs. My life. How could this be?