The Cancer Compass

I have tried to blog so many times and haven't quite been able to find the words. I didn't write this but I heard it on a video today and it has stuck with me so I thought I'd share: "What a weird year. I have somehow been the happiest and the saddest that I've ever been. I have learned how to let go and how to hold on at the same time. I've lost versions of myself I thought I'd be forever and met new ones I never expected. There were days that broke me and days that stitched me back together in quiet ways. I loved. I healed. I tried again. And somehow even after everything my heart still believes in beautiful endings."  The new year is approaching and I know 2026 is going to be filled with at least 3 months of weekly chemo, multiple surgeries lasting another 3 months or so, radiation, and physical therapy. The thing is.... for some reason when life hits me it really likes to hit hard. It is almost comical how things pile up at once. If you know you kn...

 Hello all!  I wanted to send an update because some are asking about chemo this week. I went in Wednesday for the last round of the red devil but there was a hiccup with my change in insurance and I was sent home. It felt pretty defeating in the moment but it was actually pretty painless to clear up and I should be good to go Friday! Taxol is scheduled to start December 23. Hopefully it doesn't affect me too much since that is right before Christmas and I am so happy I have my kiddos for Christmas this year! They are my motivation through all of this. Especially my sweet boy TJ who just rubs my bald head and tells me how pretty I am. He's so cute. Zoey is the comic relief around here. She cut the 'bald' part off of her name tag that said 'baldwin' on it and gave it to me. And my Braylee is growing up way too fast. Her elves are working hard to keep the magic alive because she needs that excitement a bit extra this year! Well a lot a bit! I hate having to make m...

Hiiiii! This week has been rough. Energy levels are down and nausea is up!   The next and last round of the Red Devil is on Tuesday! Then I start weekly rounds of a different chemo called, 'Taxol'. This is going to be for 12 weeks straight. Pray. For. Me. It is the Christmas season and I am doing my absolute best to keep things light and cheery around here for the kiddos. My taste buds are changing so my once beloved coffee isn't able to help either. BUT this too shall pass.  On the hardest days I get through by dreaming of life after this. My life will look totally different than it ever has. I want to travel and see God's handiwork! I dream of not having treatment days or surgeries to recover from or gaining weight from medicines and things outside of my control. I dream of being in other countries and listening to the beauty of their languages and eating at places in other countries only the locals know about. I dream of floating in an ocean and hiking in places I...