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kissing boo-boo's

Hiiiii!

This week has been rough. Energy levels are down and nausea is up! The next and last round of the Red Devil is on Tuesday! Then I start weekly rounds of a different chemo called, 'Taxol'. This is going to be for 12 weeks straight. Pray. For. Me. It is the Christmas season and I am doing my absolute best to keep things light and cheery around here for the kiddos. My taste buds are changing so my once beloved coffee isn't able to help either. BUT this too shall pass. 

On the hardest days I get through by dreaming of life after this. My life will look totally different than it ever has. I want to travel and see God's handiwork! I dream of not having treatment days or surgeries to recover from or gaining weight from medicines and things outside of my control. I dream of being in other countries and listening to the beauty of their languages and eating at places in other countries only the locals know about. I dream of floating in an ocean and hiking in places I've never been. I just want to do things I have never done. For so long I wanted things to be sedentary and consistent..low-key if you will. Having cancer really shows you just how precious and short this life is! AND Life really can be whatever we want it to be! My message today is, if you are unhappy with something in your life then you have to change it! YOU hold all the power to create what your life looks like. I know sometimes it feels like we are up against the biggest mountain.. and well you just might be! Because hello... I have had a year of trauma jam-packed! ha! BUT its not forever. and there is a lesson in every season. 

If life has taught me anything it is that there are always lessons along with the blessing. Think about it.. have you ever loved without any heartache to accompany it? Of course not. But would you have chosen to stop loving if you knew the pain would follow? I wouldn't. Often the things in life we cherish the most come with the most heartache attached. That doesn't mean we no longer love those things, right??? I would hope not. Even loving my dog... he has been my baby since before I had human babies and I love him so much but one day he will pass away and that pain feels unbearable right now. I love my kiddos more than life itself and I am so thankful I can still kiss their boo-boos and make their pain go away but I am no stranger to the thought that one day they will have to make some mistakes that I can't just kiss and make better. Whew. Am I going off on a tangent or what? This is one of those blogs where I just write and don't really think. You are welcome for that. ha! Welcome to my brain right now. 'This is my brain on chemo.." haha Anyway, go make your life what you want it to be! Don't wait around for cancer or something to give you a new perspective. Allow me to do it for you my friends! 

Oh yeah!!! I saw a genetic specialist. Still have zero answers for how and why I got breast cancer the way I got it. So aggressive and sudden. However, I am aware now that I have the FH gene mutation. Which basically means I am more likely to get kidney cancer. Fun, fun. I thought I would have more juicy details on the genetics thing but turns out it's kinda lame and doesn't really mean anything right now other than my siblings and children need to be tested as well. 

Okay I think this is all my chemo brain can handle for the day. I love you all so much!!!! 

xoxo 
Marissa 

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