The Cancer Compass

CYCLE 3 done!!! I am so blessed that I am still having minimal side effects. I will say the fatigue is quite real. Especially with the kids. I am thankful for all the ways people are showing up for me. Bringing meals, picking the kiddos up from school, sending gift cards to help with groceries, dropping off hats and bread... doing my laundry... the list goes on! It truly truly humbles.  Some things about this week/session. First of all I have to mention one of the ladies at my son's daycare. She shaved her head in support of me. It brought me to tears. I should get a picture with her next week. She is a gem!!! She also looks great with it!!  Getting injected. ... It is still wild to me that they come fully suited up to inject me with this chemo. This is going INSIDE me but they are in full protective gear. Don't get me wrong, they should be covered up. But I have to wonder, what is it actually doing to my insides? Honestly I can't go down that rabbit hole because I don'...

 Hi! I'm a baldy now! It honestly feels so invigorating and empowering to have let go of the hair. I hated the feeling of my hair shedding all over me. It sounds crazy but I could almost feel the follicles letting go of the hair. It was tender to the touch. Like that feeling when you have worn your hair up too many days in a row. I actually never minded that feeling before now! Once that feeling meant the hair was coming out and matting up it was time to let it go..... It also broke my heart when Braylee would touch my hair and it would come out in clumps in her little hands. She asked me a few weeks ago if I would be dressing up as mister Clean for Halloween. haha! She has my sense of humor I guess!!   Here is a picture just from brushing gently to try and get the pieces that were hanging out...   And another photo where you could start to see my scalp through the hair loss.  In this photo I still had some hair to work with.. the problem was anytime it was...

Cycle 2. It feels like I have been in this game too long already. Recovering from Cycle 2 hasn't been so bad so far in the grand scheme of things. I am fatigued more than anything. We did have some minor issues with my port and because that has happened both cycles so far they are referring me to get a 'portagram'. I am not sure exactly what this entails but hopefully nothing too strenuous. That won't be until December but I am PRAYING they call me with an earlier date because currently the date they have me on interferes with a meeting I am suppose to have at Braylee's school. Anyway... my hair falling out is really getting to me. I am trying to be so strong for my kiddos sake. But not being able to be with my staff and clients and now to be losing my hair... it feels like pieces of me are falling off. It's taking a mental tole but I am doing my best to remain positive knowing this too shall pass . I don't really have much to update but I wanted to post som...

 Well, so many things can happen from one blog to the next. My hair started falling out today. Cycle 2 is tomorrow and I don't think these locks stand a chance after that. I'm trying to be prepared and accept it before it happens. Too little too late for me but I found a company that makes custom wigs out of your own hair!! I would have had to send in my hair before I started chemo though and I didn't find this company until this week. I'm happy to share that information should anyone need it though! This company also donates their wigs to pediatric patients. Which I love so much! All of my salon's hair donations will be sent to this company from now on for that very reason! It's wild to think I have invested so much of myself in HAIR. It's never been just hair to me though. It's always been about building up my clients confidence. It's been about using my God given talents to allow a safe space for anyone who sits in my chair. It's been my pass...

 Waiting. I feel like so much of this journey has been waiting. Waiting for follow up appointments, waiting on tests, waiting on test results, waiting for more appointments, more test results, waiting on phone calls from doctors, waiting to start treatment, waiting for the side effects to kick in, waiting for my hair to fall out, waiting for the vomiting to start, waiting for the next round... are you tired of reading that word yet?Waiting. Not so patiently. I'd be lying if I said it didn't get the best of me some days. I compare it to the feeling you get when a roller coaster is about to reach its peak.. you know, right before the fall. Except you just stall right there at that moment. Frozen. Or being stuck in an elevator with a broken button and there's no way out. Anxiety creeps in and every second feels like an eternity. Sometimes I look at my medication and read the word "chemotherapy" and simply just can't believe this is something I am dealing with. Th...