Where do I even begin...
CHEMO IS OVER: Having chemo every week really took it out of me. BUT that is over. 16 rounds from October through March!!! Let's celebrate that! My nurses were WONDERFUL. They were definitely the bright spots every treatment. As much as I loved the nurses, I hope I never have to do chemo again. However, at all my recent appointments they have mentioned the chances of this cancer coming back are rather high... can't a girl just have a win before we start talking about all that? Anyway... The last two rounds really took a tole on my hands. They were swollen, achy, and it was very hard to grip anything. It kind of became a joke between the kids and I to see if mommy could open something. As the days pass I still very much feel the effects of the chemo throughout my body. It's really weird because symptoms come and go and every day is different. I guess this could go on for years off and on..but I am hoping to feel really good eventually...I've heard survivors will go months without any symptoms and then all of a sudden something will show up out of nowhere.
MEETING WITH A BREAST CANCER SURGEON: This is the part I have debated going into detail about because it's been a lot for me to mentally process. As I sit in these doctors rooms with breast cancer plastered all over the walls I still can't believe this is my life right now. Even after all that chemo I walk by the mirror and I'm shocked. SO much went into this initial visit that I have found it incredibly hard to repeat all the information. To narrow it down, he believes the main tumor responded well to the chemo. That's a win. However, the lymph nodes on my left side are still large and abnormal. Because of this my mastectomy will include an 'axillary lymph node dissection'.... This is the complete removal of the lymph nodes in that area. Which means I have a 25% chance of having lymphedema for the rest of my life in that arm. I asked them to check my right side while I was there for peace of mind and unfortunately I didn't get that. He told me I have a 4mm tumor in the lymph nodes on the right side that I will need to get biopsied ASAP. This tumor wasn't there before I started chemo. So now I am questioning if it has spread anywhere else in my body... I am really anxious for that biopsy. However, I am already prepared because I know these results usually take weeks. The thing is I don't really have weeks at this point. The surgeon said even if I don't get these tests done before a surgery date is available we need to proceed because of the nature of this cancer. It is vital that I get surgery on time and heal from that so I can get started in radiation.
PRAYER REQUESTS: On top of praying that I get scheduled on time for my breast MRI, consult with radiology, and right lymph node biopsy, I need HUGE prayers that we can find a plastic surgeon that takes my insurance for me to consult with as well. Normally the mastectomy surgeon and the plastic surgeon are in the operating room together. My insurance covers all these procedures, however, it pays so little that there are no plastic surgeons that take it!!!!!!! As you can imagine getting the right person on the phone from insurance has been a headache. However, I am praying that THIS WEEK things line up the way they are supposed to.
DECISIONS: The surgeon and I are going back and forth on deciding whether or not I should just remove the left breast during mastectomy or remove both. There are pros and cons to both honestly. Either way, I cannot get reconstructive surgery until a MINIMUM of 6 months after I heal from radiation. Radiation is expected to be 5 weeks. That's pretty defeating. Imagine going the rest of the year with either one boob or none.... My body is about to change forever.
WELL.... I definitely planned to keep up with this blog more than I have been but I wasn't expecting so much of an affect on my hands! Tonight they are feeling better so I was able to type this. I appreciate everyone who has kept up with me. I hope no one has taken it personal if I come across short. As you can see there's a lot to say but no mental capacity to say it day to day. So if I stop responding or I am short in my reply.. just know, 'its me. It's not you.' ;)
OUTSIDE OF CANCER.... Please also keep my community in your thoughts and prayers as well. There was a tragic school bus accident on Friday that caused two middle school girls to lose their lives and many others severely injured... Another friend of mine had to lay to rest her 23 year old son over the weekend as well. Grief is going strong around here. So many families are hurting.
Life truly is fragile. Don't waste any time on things that don't fulfill your days.
❤
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