the big update

 The Big Update!

"Even the good news is heavy." I couldn't have said it better myself. Cancer is a long road. It is not one size fits all and it definitely isn't a quick process by any means. I think a lot of people are expecting me to announce that I am done with cancer and boy if I could be so lucky.... I feel like for every positive I have been hit with a negative. I have moments of feeling a brief sigh of relief but it does not last long. Bare with me while I try to get you all up to date because the last month has been busy and things are far from slowing down for me. 

First and foremost, surgery went GREAT! Dr. Dias at the Nashville Breast Center is quite literally an angel on Earth. The surgery took longer than expected because he was being very detailed and I am very thankful for that. Coming out of that surgery I am pretty sure I slept 48 hours straight. That was great! So originally, I had decided to take both breasts and go ahead with temporary expanders for the surgery. However, due to the aggressive nature of my cancer we changed the surgical plan a few days prior. We opted to just taking the left side to focus on getting rid of the cancer and we will deal with the cosmetic outcome later. At my follow up appointment we both agreed that was the best decision! I was also able to get those pesky drains removed. I was soooo happy to get those drains out! 

The pathology report... this is the part that is hard to explain because there are so many different things reported. I have spent the last couple weeks trying to make sense of it all.  Dissecting the terminology and googling everything. The pathology report came back notating they took 17 lymph nodes from my armpit. 15 out of the 17 were positive for cancer. The main tumor I had on my breast responded well to chemo and shrunk a significant amount.  However, it is still reported, "A Residual Cancer Burden (RCB) score of 3.9 means you have RCB-III (extensive burden). This indicates a large amount of residual invasive cancer was found in the breast and lymph nodes after neoadjuvant chemotherapy." It shrunk. Yippee...It's cut out of me now. YIPPEE....  but it did not kill it all. However, the biggest praise report from pathology is that they got 3mm clear margins all the way around the tissue they removed. This is HUGE! And this should mean the cancer is gone. Insert the brief sigh of relief I mentioned earlier. However, this news was delivered to me by my oncologist Dr. Ajayi like this, "This should mean your cancer is gone but I am really worried." ... .... .... 

I am still digesting those words. The positive nodes showed a lot of stage 1 cancer. Meaning NEW freaking tumors were forming. This cancer has such a HIGH rate of returning that we can barely even celebrate the fact that it is all cut off of my body at this point. The hope is that radiation kills whatever microscopic cells are left. 

& I start radiation this week. I have to do 30 cycles of it. The appointments are really quick and it's Monday through Friday. This will take a total of six weeks. I've heard different things for side effects.. perhaps skin feeling extremely sun burnt, extreme fatigue, whatever else. I'll take it as it comes. Kinda feels like the least of my worries at this point.

My oncologist wants to treat me with some hormone blocking therapies since my cancer is hormone fed. I knew this would be part of my treatment. However, most people will either need a pill or a shot. After reading the pathology report Dr. Ajayi wants me to be doing both. He also stated most people will do one or the other for up to 5 years and he sees my treatment going the next 8 years. Pills twice a day and a monthly shot. I told him I didn't even want to get into the sides affects of that yet except he said the hot flashes would get even worse. HOW?! 

I left that follow up appointment basically feeling like I am on my way to cancer survivorship and that means being pro-active in every way to make sure this cancer doesn't come back. This means the multiple hormone therapies. Changing things at home. I'll get into that another time... 

OHHH I completely forgot to mention lymphedema. I am sure you have noticed in photos my left arm being in a compression sleeve. So, because of the lymph nodes being removed I should be going to see a lymphedema specialist 2-3 times a week. When they can't get me in Paul is helping. I have lots of 'cording' going in... what I thought was the tubes in my arms is actually just my lymphatic system working overtime. It's pretty wild to feel it actually. You touch it from the outside and it feels like a big vein or tube under the surface of the skin. I was fitted for the compression sleeve and gauntlet that I will be wearing the rest of my life. There are some with cool designs on it I guess I could look into eventually but I'm not there yet. I'm still trying to figure out how to wear clothes with one boob and my arm all wrapped up which doesn't help the hot flashes. 

All in all.... the cancer world is just something I am part of now. I was ignorant to think it would go away after chemo.. or surgery.. or radiation... 

It is defeating. But I am living one day at a time. I don't want to ruin the time I have left thinking about the time I might lose. 
"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move. Nothing is impossible." Matthew 17:20

There has to be purpose in this... if nothing else I hope to bring awareness for all of YOU. Check those boobies. Please. 

All my love,
Marissa <3